Like many Americans, from time to time, I purchase a lottery ticket with dreams of hitting all the numbers and living an extravagant lifestyle. A home on the West Coast, one in the Midwest, and a third on the East Coast, perhaps Maine or Connecticut—I hear it is beautiful there. A different car for each day of the week—I am a car enthusiast after all. And let’s not forget the three-month’s trip around the world— just for kicks.
Sound familiar? I am sure you have had your fair share of wealthy dreams, and why not, we do live in the land of opportunity. And I am sure, as it is said, “With wealth comes a whole new set of headaches”. But with that newfound wealth, you can afford the best aspirin, medications, and doctors to resolve those headaches. I have always said, “Money can’t buy love, but it sure can rent the hell out of it!” Of course, as I have gotten older and wiser, and I now realize the importance of love; having that special someone there through the thick and thin of things when your world is caving in (thank you Denise!); I have changed my outlook on love. Nevertheless, I sure would like to tackle some of those so-called “difficulties” that accompany the wealthy.
Today, I received another one of those scam letters in my inbox (below). You know the letter I am talking about. The one that basically says, “You’ve won, now provide us with all your personal information.” This one gives an International phone number to call, and when you call it, as I did (free rates and all, compliments of Sprint) you are greeted with an answering machine (I think it was a big hairy dude named Peggy). They ask you to leave your name, address, and bank account information so they can wire the money to your account, and they also need your driver’s license number. I thought it odd they did not request my phone number to discuss the $2,000,000.00, but what do I know about becoming a millionaire?
My next step, I sent an email reply, which was returned with the dreaded “daemon notice: failure to send,” and I was quite perplexed. Not only did I forget to leave all my personal information on Peggy’s answering machine, now my only means of communication the email address on the original communication must have been mistyped, and it’s no wonder, just look at some of the grammar and punctuation in the email. OH NO! What am I to do now? I have missed my opportunity to be the next millionaire.
Well, I guess it is back to the Illinois State Lottery tickets for me…
My essay is all in fun; but seriously friends, beware of scammers!
From: FIFA.COM <email@example.com>
Sent: Thu, January 5, 2012 5:46:58 AM
Subject: Dear raffle draw winner!
Dear raffle draw winner,
We are very happy to announce to you that you are a lucky
winner in the just concluded Fifa World Cup Raffle draw that was held
today which you won the sum of $2,000,000,00 us dollars with Ticket Number
FIFA-48596 and Lucky Number(14-23-59-79hd). You are therefore advices to
contact Mr.Frank White via the information below
Name Of Agent: Mr.Frank White
Tel: +44702 404 1954
Once Again Congratulation
Mrs. Angela Jones (Lottery coordinator)
Dear Mrs. Angela Jones (Lottery coordinator); or as you should be formally introduced Mrs. Angela Jones Lottery Coordinator,
So you are able to understand what I am to say I do respond in such ways to you understand. I am English major. Your email has “just concluded” some of the most preposterous “advices”. We do not write or talk this way, I am merely pointing out that you sound uneducated and as though you do not grasp the English language.
I would hope if I were to win $2,000,000.00 us dollars (U.S. dollars-U.S. capitalized, because “us” means us, as in you and me, or I), the individual representing the lottery office would have more sense in how to communicate with prospective winners. Furthermore, I did not submit a “ticket”, thus I could not have a “Ticket Number” or ticket number, and if I did purchase a ticket, my information would have been readily available for the ticket office. Hence, congratulation(s) Mr. Frank White is advised to scam someone less intelligent than a rock.
“raffle draw winner” (when addressing an individual use proper names, Mr., Mrs., if proper name is unknown the use of “Dear Sir or Madame” is appropriate)
P.S. Your generosity has provoked a generous spirit within me, thus there is no fee for the English lesson.